SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
