Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
