All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
