Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
