in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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