My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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