I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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