Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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