my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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