So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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