i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
