Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
