i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
