Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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