Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
