I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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