Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
