He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
