Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
