Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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