I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is wine microwaveable?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
