Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize