I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
