so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
