You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
