It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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