a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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