I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
