I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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