Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
