Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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