I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
