it was like his penis was on wheels.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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