How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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