I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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