if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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