after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
