new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
