sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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