How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
