Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
