Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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