If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
