It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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