I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
