Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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