it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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