Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
