Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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