i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
