he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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