I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
