I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
