Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
