I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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