dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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