I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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