Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
