Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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