tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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