too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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