bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
