Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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