that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
