This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
