So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
