AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My feet surprised me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
