I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
