Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to be your penis for a week.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
