I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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