dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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