someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Come on in and take your pants off
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