you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize