Will you blow on my dice?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
