My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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