1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
