there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
