If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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