Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
